I’ve got some great news to share with you about myself,
I have been dealing with or more likely trying to deny an issue for most of my life that I did not understand. I decided to seek medical care 10 years ago to get a handle on this issue as well as to get a better understanding of myself. I have been working with a team of Medical Professionals all of these years trying to understand what was causing my internal conflict and we have a diagnoses finally after all of these many years.
I have been suffering from an internal conflict that has prevented me being able to live the fulfilling life that we all deserve a shot at. The medical term for this condition is called Gender Dysphoria or Gender Identity Disorder (GID) and it is basically the condition of being transsexual or transgender. What this really means is that, though biologically I was born a male my brain and my own sense of being is that of a female. This is not the same as being a cross-dresser, drag queen, female impersonator or being a gay male. Inside I have always felt as though I was female and I never knew what to do about it. On my 40th birthday I sought therapy and psychological counseling in order to get a better understanding of myself and to find a way to break the grip of my problems. I wanted to feel normal and achieve some happiness and success in my life. Being transsexual has always held me back and kept me from being the person that I needed to be in order to achieve my potential in life.
You may have noticed some changes in me this year and perhaps you’ve been wondering about me, I want you to know that I feel better in general and about myself, than I have at any time in my life. As you may know, I had a seemingly happy childhood until I was 12 when my mother passed away, things never seemed to fit into place for me after that. I am sure you may have realized that I have issues even though I have tried to cover them up. Something has never been quite right with me, I’ve never fit in to society as I should have and I didn’t understand why that was or why I was the way that I was.
Through my therapy I began working with a team of medical professionals to help me confront my situation directly rather than running from it, the only treatment for being transsexual is to make a gender transition. This is not a choice; it is something that I have to do in order to survive. I have been treated by a therapist for 10 years this just confirmed what I have known and tried to deny all of my life. I am also under the treatment of an experienced physician. The medication I have been on, basically female hormones has brought about a great and positive change in my mental outlook on life. It has allowed me to feel normal inside for the first time since childhood and given me hope that one day I can live a normal and happy life. The medication has brought about some physical changes and that will continue. I will still be and am the same person inside. I think you will agree with me that at heart I am a good person. All I want is to feel normal and to have a chance to reach my full potential in life.
I will always be your sibling/in-law and I love you very much. I feel extremely fortunate to have been in your life and I am so happy that you’ve been in my life. The reality is, mentally I have always been your sister/in-law and I hope you will be able to accept me. All I am trying to do is make physical changes in order to help me become on the outside the person that I am on the inside and to be accepted. I will always be here for you just as I hope that you will be there for me. I realize finding this out is very difficult for you right now and believe me I have always tried to avoid facing this about myself mainly for this very reason. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you but in order to have any chance at a normal life, I have to make this change. I have chosen the name Lisa for my first name and Marie as the middle name. I know that this is going to take some time and I ask that you be patient with me and I will be patient with you.
I’ve often wondered where this came from, I didn’t ask for this however I am stuck with it and I have to learn to deal with it as best as I can. I’ve mentioned that I feel like my soul is female and it does, I wonder if re-incarnation is real and my soul remembers being a woman in a previous life, another theory is that the fetus before me died and perhaps my soul was meant for that fetus. I don’t know if that is valid or not, I do know that after a miscarriage such as my mother had back in the sixties DES was prescribed to the mothers in the belief that massive amounts of Estrogen would help the mother to carry the next fetus to term. Was my mother prescribed DES? I will never know if she was prescribed DES, I do know it was likely and it is known to have caused numerous issues with the children who were bathed in it while being carried by the mother, of particular note is the groups Sons of DES which has a disproportionate number of transwomen amongst their members. I’ll never know why but I have to find a way to live a happy life and productive life as myself.
I hope that you can find it in your heart to accept me as I am, warts and all.
I’m glad to answer any questions that you may have.